To speak or not to speak..

Recently I was placed in a difficult and uncomfortable positon.

And yes, it was to do with a guy. I met this man last year, and we straight away had such a strong connection, alot of attraction and a spark that became evident to everyone around us, even if I hadn't told them. We worked in similar but different areas of the same workplace, but we crossed paths often. I quickly realised that this wasn't just an attraction, that it could lead to something deeper.

I was pretty sure he was the one, or at the very least a contender. I believe that someone can be 'the one' but that if the time and place isn't right, you can miss each other. As the timing wasn't perfect, he was kind of seeing someone we stayed friends but still the unspoken feelings remained. We flirted, hugged and were suggestive-things that without the complication of a girlfriend would have been considered normal and help to move the situation along but with the complication it was hard. Although I wouldn't say it stopped us from having contact, we had coffees, sought each other out. I am proud to say we never went further, despite how much we may have wanted to.

So life went on. We both moved to different workplaces, different locations for the remainder of the year but kept in touch, had a coffee every now and then. Then I ran into him this year, and he's leaving the country. In a short space of time I was confronted with the choice, to speak or not to speak.

Should I tell him how I feel? The thought made me so nervous because although I was sure (and so were many of my friends) I could still be rejected. Should I not say anything? Let him go, and see if we ever cross paths again. There was so much to consider. I had a week to do it.

I went to the farewell of his with a friend and things were the same with us even though it had been months apart, our eyes kept finding each other. We got to drinking and then it was time to leave, with all the people there I hadn't been able to find any time to talk to him on his own. So that's how it stayed. A long goodbye that left me in tears afterwards and a text message today wishing him a safe flight, to keep in touch, love kooklah. I guess only time will tell. I think I was right not to say anything, but I wish a situation had of presented where I could talk to him one on one and say how I felt. This keeps me sane: "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end" - if he and I are destined to be together, it will happen, we will find each other. It may have been timing, or maybe fate stepped in to intervene.

Kooklah, Xx

Alone does not mean LONELY...

This is something that very little people realise. Been alone, does not have to mean that you are lacking, that there is something 'wrong' with you, or that you are in fact lonely. It just doesn't.

For me, been fully single again, I am loving it. My decisions pretty much revolve around me. What I want. What I need. What I dream. I don't have to check in.

It is also the best chance for me to really work out what I want out of life, where I see my life going and how I want to spend my time here on earth. But also, to find myself- discover what I like and don't like, what I love, what my dreams are, the experiences I want, the goals I have.

And I have questions.

Is my chosen career really for me? I am not totally sure... I used to be, but now I am not totally sure.
Should I do another degree, or a course?
What kind of place do I want to buy?
What qualities do I look for in a partner? Which of these will I compromise on? Which will be non-negotiable- and therefore highlight dealbreakers?
Who are the people in my life who really matter and treat me like I matter to them?

I will be using this time to sort these questions but also to discover who I am and become the best possible version of that. I want to travel and see the world, I want to express my beliefs and support them publicly, do a good deed everyday, write down three positive things from each day, experiement with hair, makeup, clothes and accessories, and most of all spend time with my friends and family who make my world better.

Kooklah Xx
-here is something to put a smile on a single girl's face

working to live...

I honestly believe that we shouldn't be living to work, but rather working to live. One basically means the purpose of your life is to sit at that desk or answer to that boss...the other means you work to fund the life you want, or to provide experiences that put you in good stead-providing challenges or experiences that make you grow.

Now I don't mean that you shouldn't love your job or its not important, it is great if you love your job. I love mine although it tests the stress levels! But life should be about more than the work you do.
The places you go, the people you see and the things that you do are all important too and help make you who you are and form the memory you leave behind.

Life is meant to be lived- there is meant to be joy, uncertainty, sadness, confusion, excitement, sillyness, hope, fear and love. Just make the most of it because the saying "life is short"? It's completely true.

Have a good weekend.
K, Xx

My Current Inspiration to Save Money

My friend Maja asked me at a cafe one day last month if I had a holiday booked for this year, I hadn't but had already thought about taking two weeks off and travelling somewhere - have never been overseas but have ALWAYS wanted to!

 

 

 The main places I have wanted to go are Greece, America (New York-most importantly, San Fransisco, Seattle, Los Angeles, Miami), Italy (I would love to  spend a month in this country and explore everything it has to offer), France, England, Ireland, Scotland, Mexico, Costa Rica, Fiji, Spain, Abu Dahbi, Belgium and Germany.

I cannot wait to pack my bags and wander around New York-
a city I have held an interest in since I was 10 (so nearly 13 years)

 The new york skyline- I have a photograph of it hanging in my room- time square and central park

                                                          

We have so many ideas, especially sights to see but also alot of random and exciting/silly/fun ideas. Carriage rides, going to a baseball game-beer and a hotdog; followed by a sports bar, going and trying on Manolo Blahniks, having breakfast at Tiffanys, eating those large pizza slices, going to Magnolia Bakery for cupcakes, going out dressed up like the girls in Sex and the City or Gossip Girl and drinking cocktails and meeting cute boys. The empire state building, Trump Tower, Brooklyn Bridge and Brooklyn, go to Time Square, go to the 1800s Carousel in the park, go to Broadway

I cannot wait to fly off and start this adventure, so my main aim is to have more money then I will need saved by the time we have to pack up and go....

"..I'm leaving, on a jet plane.."

K, Xx

Do It Yourself-decorate candle votives

I saw these pictures and thought they would make wonderful gifts for someone special, or amazing decorations and centerpieces for events like weddings and birthdays.

I think this idea is amazing, all you need is some different sized jars, tealight candles and some decorative fabrics. Lace, twine, sheer fabrics and sequins all achieve a beautiful look with the glow of the candle clearly evident. Very easy, use glue to attach the decorations, collect jars from products you use out of your pantry and go to stores to buy ribbion or lace (maybe even use old clothing?). Experiment with different colours too, for a unique spin on this idea!

Use floating candles in water to create a classic but still breathtaking look. This look to the right is one of my favourites. I like the use of different size and shaped glasses, with white candles floating in the water on top of a wooden table. I think this is a very romantic look- perfect for a date, anniversary or marriage proposal.

This is a very pretty look below. The tall (but still different heights) glasses with water and pink candles. What makes this look so special is the use of pink glass beads put in the bottom of the glass with a few strands around the outside. Very soft and pretty, perfect for a girl's birthday, engagement party, hen's night or a wedding.

                                                                                                                                                                                 The use of decorations on the bottom of the glass votives adds another dimension to the floating candles. I love the flower or stone options but have also seen coins, diamonties and pearls

                                                                                                                     

Candles simply in a vase with floral decorations-real or fake, scattered around the candle and then on the table is simple to achieve and looks incredible, as is adding a simple ribbion near the candle base.

And, to finish, an idea that I had never heard of or seen before, using 'citrus fruit shells' to hold candles. You cut the fruit in half and remove most of the fruit inside, and add a tealight candle (or add some water and a floating candle). Place three or four on a plate and put in the centre of the table. I think this is a very fresh idea and would be perfect for a summer barbeque!

Happy crafting! You don't have to be holding a special occasion or event to try these ideas, hold a mini dinner for you and some friends, or place them in your room! I think I am going to put a few in my room, good for nights when I'm listening to music or there is a storm I am watching.

K, Xx

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http://kooklah.blogspot.com/
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