To speak or not to speak..

Recently I was placed in a difficult and uncomfortable positon.

And yes, it was to do with a guy. I met this man last year, and we straight away had such a strong connection, alot of attraction and a spark that became evident to everyone around us, even if I hadn't told them. We worked in similar but different areas of the same workplace, but we crossed paths often. I quickly realised that this wasn't just an attraction, that it could lead to something deeper.

I was pretty sure he was the one, or at the very least a contender. I believe that someone can be 'the one' but that if the time and place isn't right, you can miss each other. As the timing wasn't perfect, he was kind of seeing someone we stayed friends but still the unspoken feelings remained. We flirted, hugged and were suggestive-things that without the complication of a girlfriend would have been considered normal and help to move the situation along but with the complication it was hard. Although I wouldn't say it stopped us from having contact, we had coffees, sought each other out. I am proud to say we never went further, despite how much we may have wanted to.

So life went on. We both moved to different workplaces, different locations for the remainder of the year but kept in touch, had a coffee every now and then. Then I ran into him this year, and he's leaving the country. In a short space of time I was confronted with the choice, to speak or not to speak.

Should I tell him how I feel? The thought made me so nervous because although I was sure (and so were many of my friends) I could still be rejected. Should I not say anything? Let him go, and see if we ever cross paths again. There was so much to consider. I had a week to do it.

I went to the farewell of his with a friend and things were the same with us even though it had been months apart, our eyes kept finding each other. We got to drinking and then it was time to leave, with all the people there I hadn't been able to find any time to talk to him on his own. So that's how it stayed. A long goodbye that left me in tears afterwards and a text message today wishing him a safe flight, to keep in touch, love kooklah. I guess only time will tell. I think I was right not to say anything, but I wish a situation had of presented where I could talk to him one on one and say how I felt. This keeps me sane: "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end" - if he and I are destined to be together, it will happen, we will find each other. It may have been timing, or maybe fate stepped in to intervene.

Kooklah, Xx

working to live...

I honestly believe that we shouldn't be living to work, but rather working to live. One basically means the purpose of your life is to sit at that desk or answer to that boss...the other means you work to fund the life you want, or to provide experiences that put you in good stead-providing challenges or experiences that make you grow.

Now I don't mean that you shouldn't love your job or its not important, it is great if you love your job. I love mine although it tests the stress levels! But life should be about more than the work you do.
The places you go, the people you see and the things that you do are all important too and help make you who you are and form the memory you leave behind.

Life is meant to be lived- there is meant to be joy, uncertainty, sadness, confusion, excitement, sillyness, hope, fear and love. Just make the most of it because the saying "life is short"? It's completely true.

Have a good weekend.
K, Xx

A glimpse of time...

I love those moments that remind you or seem to transport you back to a moment, feeling or memory from your past. I had a moment like this last night. I was at my best friend's house, we had plans to hangout following dinner (which he was shouting as a trade off to me as I was wrapping Sam's Christmas presents as he doesn't like to wrap)..
We ate dinner, and proceeded to have a few drinks and watch the Mighty Boosh. As I wrapped presents.

After I finished -and they looked fabulous, if I do say so! We began talking about high school and funny moments with friends, then we began (as our conversations often go) to talk about music. During the last two years of high school we loved a band called the Common Code, Sam had his guitar out and had been playing some music and we began trying to remember how the songs went. Sam pulled his old iPod out and put the songs on, it was like been transported back through time...I felt how I did when I met Sam for the first time and when I saw this band live. Moments stunning us as they happen, and like that quote from One Tree Hill (appears under my blog heading) those moments had lived on and I was able to live it and feel it all over again.

When life was sometimes simpler, no real responsibility, school was the epicentre of our life and the people we shared it with meant everything. Take notice of those moments, they are more than just memories ...its a visit back to a time you loved, or a lesson you learnt, or maybe a reminder that what you have with someone - that connection, ease, friendship- is something wonderful. And as I'm hoping, in my situation, that the connection and friendship continues to run through time and provide many more moments where that relationship was enjoyed, strengthened or grew.

Live to the full, you never know what may become significant to you, when you look back in years to come.
K, Xx