sometimes it is hard not to believe in the fairy-tale

I think sometimes it is hard not to believe in the fairy-tale.

To believe in everything that is just and good and right. To believe that our stories will end with a happy ending. To find the one, our prince or princess, the ever elusive soul mate.

We were almost raised on it, through tales of princesses who go to sleep only to be woken by a kiss, fall in love with a beast, who kiss frogs, leave glass slippers and look into mirrors. Where birds help you get ready, everyone has perfect hair and good people struggle and then come out victorious.

And I can understand how it happens, what a wonderful thing to exist in a world that is full of wonder, imagination and hope. Where the impossible becomes possible and the characters follow or are ruled by their heart, instead of their head. To live to the full making the most of every moment.

Real life, I think can struggle to live up to the expectations of this world- we become so weighed down with daily stressors of work, finances and home. Been single, while I mostly love it, can have its drawbacks-bad dates, boys who don't call when they say they will, times when all your friends seem to be matched up or in love.

It doesn't mean you aren't happy with your life for the most part, but sometimes that need, the baser instinct for human connection creeps through. Sometimes all we need is someone to laugh and share our deepest thoughts, feelings, fantasies and secrets with.

So have that moment, the one where you dream of different skies, think about wandering to greener pastures.  But don't let it define you, the search I mean. I really think that the more you look for something, the less chance you have of finding it. If you stress out about finding the perfect guy, all you are going to see are imperfections and you will miss out on all the wonderful experiences you could be having. Like wandering and exploring the world, kissing cute boys on nights out, finding yourself, making mistakes that will help you find your way, enjoying time with friends and family and appreciating getting the chance to spend time on your own.                                     

            

I think it really comes down to using the fairy-tale as a source of inspiration or motivation, something that will help move you through difficult days in the real world and keep you dreaming at night. When you find the guy, you will know... But for now, you have the chance to make your own fairytale, that resolves around one character. You. So go on, create it, be a modern day princess. Make your own happy ending.

Kooklah, Xx

To speak or not to speak..

Recently I was placed in a difficult and uncomfortable positon.

And yes, it was to do with a guy. I met this man last year, and we straight away had such a strong connection, alot of attraction and a spark that became evident to everyone around us, even if I hadn't told them. We worked in similar but different areas of the same workplace, but we crossed paths often. I quickly realised that this wasn't just an attraction, that it could lead to something deeper.

I was pretty sure he was the one, or at the very least a contender. I believe that someone can be 'the one' but that if the time and place isn't right, you can miss each other. As the timing wasn't perfect, he was kind of seeing someone we stayed friends but still the unspoken feelings remained. We flirted, hugged and were suggestive-things that without the complication of a girlfriend would have been considered normal and help to move the situation along but with the complication it was hard. Although I wouldn't say it stopped us from having contact, we had coffees, sought each other out. I am proud to say we never went further, despite how much we may have wanted to.

So life went on. We both moved to different workplaces, different locations for the remainder of the year but kept in touch, had a coffee every now and then. Then I ran into him this year, and he's leaving the country. In a short space of time I was confronted with the choice, to speak or not to speak.

Should I tell him how I feel? The thought made me so nervous because although I was sure (and so were many of my friends) I could still be rejected. Should I not say anything? Let him go, and see if we ever cross paths again. There was so much to consider. I had a week to do it.

I went to the farewell of his with a friend and things were the same with us even though it had been months apart, our eyes kept finding each other. We got to drinking and then it was time to leave, with all the people there I hadn't been able to find any time to talk to him on his own. So that's how it stayed. A long goodbye that left me in tears afterwards and a text message today wishing him a safe flight, to keep in touch, love kooklah. I guess only time will tell. I think I was right not to say anything, but I wish a situation had of presented where I could talk to him one on one and say how I felt. This keeps me sane: "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end" - if he and I are destined to be together, it will happen, we will find each other. It may have been timing, or maybe fate stepped in to intervene.

Kooklah, Xx

Happiness and Friend

So this year started in an amazing way, I spent New Years Eve on the coast with my cousins (and their friends) and one of my friends. It was very relaxed, beach all day, then getting ready and having a barbeque dinner and drinks. After the fireworks my friend and I danced and drank until the early hours of the morning.

After that I had one week of work left before three weeks holiday prior to starting my new job. With that week complete I went out for dinner and cocktails to begin what I was hoping would be an amazing summer. And it was. I made a new friend, with a girl I had briefly knew in primary school. She is amazing, we have so much in common and I cannot believe that we have not been friends for all of these years. We have so much fun together- our days or nights always turn into an adventure, we are honest with each other and have built a real connection.

I think it is so lovely to be able to connect on such a close level with someone as an adult, when it is younger it can be easier to make friends, but as a young adult the friendships you make can seem even more important. I think this is because you are forming into the person you will essentially be for the rest of your life, wih all your values and morals, interests and dislikes.

In the last few years I have really learnt that the people you surround yourself have a huge influence over how you act, what you do, how happy or positive you are. If people do not add to your happiness, then they should not be a part of your life. You ultimatley are responsible for your own happiness, but I know from experience having friends and family who add to this are so important. So vital.

With my new friend, Maja, life is amazing, we both make each other happy, we celebrate the small special moments and our achievements of our lives as well support each other through trying and difficult times.

We have already experienced so much- love/lust with boys, Ronan Keating concert, smaller gigs, nights out, movies, dvd nights leading into D&Ms and sharing music at 4am, daily talks, sharing of hopes, secrets and fears. We have so much more to go as well.... things like planning a trip to New York, celebrating birthdays and if, in a year our love lives aren't heading this way, moving out together.

"Friends are angels who lift you up when your wings are afraid to fly..."

A Snapshot of my Summer

K, Xx

Memories

Memory is a very powerful thing. If you're like me you hold important memories close. This could be favourite moments you have had, with people you'll never forget or it could be
moments that shocked you, teaching you a lesson...acting as a reminder of what loss, hurt or embarrassment can feel like. My memories are so important to me...and I will tell you why. When I was 16, I lost my best friend.

She was the most amazing person. Bright, bubbly, funny, vivacious, kind, intelligent, confident and fun-loving. Brooke had the world at her feet. She lived life to the full yearning to experience all it had to offer, whilst offering the world everything of herself also. I know she would have achieved greatness, success at whatever she decided to pursue. We lost Brooke tragically and suddenly to an awful illness. It was shocking, heartwrenching and painful. My whole life got picked up and turned upside down. Every emotion I had was ten-fold. It is honestly the worst thing I have ever experienced. No one saw it coming, and although the last conversation we had borders on almost eerie (for want of a better word) as we talked about our favourite memories with each other, told each other we lived each other and see you later...I never got to say goodbye face to face. This used to bother me but now I think that the conversation we had was pretty much perfect ...hopefully she will be someone I see when I die.

We were soulmates, everyone called us twins. Inseparable, always happy to fade into the background to highlight the other or to stand together and shine. I have very fond memories of our time together. Sometimes there are memories I feel I have forgotten, like her laugh or the way she spoke ...but usually that potent a memory is something my subconscious seems to save for when I really need it. When I need some extra motivation or inspiration.

My message to you is try and remember how important and special life is. We should make the most of every moment, live to the full so that not only you have wonderful memories but do for those that you nay leave behind.
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go...some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same..."

K, Xx

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