Recently I was placed in a difficult and uncomfortable positon.
And yes, it was to do with a guy. I met this man last year, and we straight away had such a strong connection, alot of attraction and a spark that became evident to everyone around us, even if I hadn't told them. We worked in similar but different areas of the same workplace, but we crossed paths often. I quickly realised that this wasn't just an attraction, that it could lead to something deeper.
I was pretty sure he was the one, or at the very least a contender. I believe that someone can be 'the one' but that if the time and place isn't right, you can miss each other. As the timing wasn't perfect, he was kind of seeing someone we stayed friends but still the unspoken feelings remained. We flirted, hugged and were suggestive-things that without the complication of a girlfriend would have been considered normal and help to move the situation along but with the complication it was hard. Although I wouldn't say it stopped us from having contact, we had coffees, sought each other out. I am proud to say we never went further, despite how much we may have wanted to.
So life went on. We both moved to different workplaces, different locations for the remainder of the year but kept in touch, had a coffee every now and then. Then I ran into him this year, and he's leaving the country. In a short space of time I was confronted with the choice, to speak or not to speak.
Should I tell him how I feel? The thought made me so nervous because although I was sure (and so were many of my friends) I could still be rejected. Should I not say anything? Let him go, and see if we ever cross paths again. There was so much to consider. I had a week to do it.
I went to the farewell of his with a friend and things were the same with us even though it had been months apart, our eyes kept finding each other. We got to drinking and then it was time to leave, with all the people there I hadn't been able to find any time to talk to him on his own. So that's how it stayed. A long goodbye that left me in tears afterwards and a text message today wishing him a safe flight, to keep in touch, love kooklah. I guess only time will tell. I think I was right not to say anything, but I wish a situation had of presented where I could talk to him one on one and say how I felt. This keeps me sane: "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end" - if he and I are destined to be together, it will happen, we will find each other. It may have been timing, or maybe fate stepped in to intervene.
Kooklah, Xx
